Before my baby arrived, I had a very specific image of breastfeeding newborn in my head.
It was soft focus. It was peaceful. I imagined myself in a rocking chair, gazing lovingly at my baby while they latched effortlessly. There was soft music playing. I felt like an Earth Mother goddess.
Then, reality hit.
The reality was cracked nipples, 3 AM Google searches, a screaming baby who couldn’t find the target, and me sobbing over a pump while eating a cold granola bar.
We are told that breastfeeding is “natural,” and therefore we assume it will be intuitive. But “natural” doesn’t mean “easy.” Learning to walk is natural, too, but toddlers fall down a thousand times before they get it right.
If you are currently sitting in a dark room feeling like you are failing, please know this: Breastfeeding newborn isn’t always easy. In fact, for many of us, it is the hardest physical challenge we will ever face.
Here is the truth about the struggles I faced and the specific things that helped me survive the first six weeks.
1. The Toe-Curling Pain (and The Fix)
The Struggle:
I was told that “if it hurts, you’re doing it wrong.” This is the most frustrating advice in the world. Even when the latch is perfect, your nipples aren’t used to the friction of a vacuum seal for 8 hours a day. The first two weeks felt like sandpaper.
How I Got Through It:
- The “Sandwich” Hold: My tiny newborn had a tiny mouth. I had to learn to compress my breast into a flat “sandwich” shape to match his mouth. This helped him get a deeper latch, moving the nipple to the back of his throat where it wouldn’t get pinched.
- Silverettes: Forget the creams for a second. I bought these little silver cups that sit over your nipples in your bra. They use your own milk to heal the skin. They were a game-changer for healing cracks between feeds.
- Seeing a Professional: I finally caved and paid for a private lactation consultant (IBCLC). She spotted a minor tongue tie that the hospital missed. One appointment changed everything.
2. The “Is He Getting Enough?” Anxiety
The Struggle:
Breasts don’t have ounce markers. Unlike a bottle, you can’t see how much the baby is drinking. Every time he cried, I panicked. Is he starving? Is my body failing him?
How I Got Through It:
- Diapers, Not Clocks: I stopped obsessing over how many minutes he nursed and started counting diapers. If he had 6+ wet heavy diapers a day and yellow poop, I knew he was hydrated.
- The Haakaa Trick: I used a silicone suction collector (Haakaa) on the other side while nursing. Seeing 1-2 ounces of milk collect in there gave me visual proof that yes, my body is making milk. It was a huge mental relief.
3. Surviving the Cluster Feeding Marathon
The Struggle:
Around day three (and again at three weeks), my baby turned into a ravenous monster. He wanted to eat every 45 minutes for four hours straight. I felt trapped on the couch. I felt like a human pacifier. I resented my partner for having useless nipples.
How I Got Through It:
- Radical Acceptance: I stopped fighting it. I accepted that from 6 PM to 10 PM, my job was just to sit there.
- The Nursing Station: I built a “nest” on the couch. I had a giant water bottle (breastfeeding makes you thirstier than a marathon runner), one-handed snacks (energy balls, pretzels), the remote, and my phone charger.
- Side-Lying Nursing: Learning to nurse while lying down in bed (safely) saved my back. It allowed me to rest my body while he fed, even if I wasn’t sleeping.
4. The Mental Health Check
The Struggle:
There came a point at week four where I was so sleep-deprived and touched-out that I didn’t want to hold the baby. I felt guilty for wanting to quit.
How I Got Through It:
- The “One Day at a Time” Rule: I stopped thinking about breastfeeding for a year. I told myself, “I will just get through today.” Then, “I will just get through this week.” Breaking it down made it manageable.
- Permission to Supplement: I gave him a bottle of formula one night so I could sleep for four hours straight. Did the world end? No. Did my supply tank? No. Did I wake up a better mother? Yes.
Breastfeeding Newborn Does Get Better
Here is the secret no one tells you when you are in the trenches: It stops hurting.
Suddenly, around week 6 or 8, the clouds part. Your nipples toughen up. The baby’s mouth gets bigger. They learn to latch without you wrestling them. You can nurse while scrolling Instagram or talking on the phone. It becomes the peaceful, easy bonding experience you were promised.
But getting there is a battle.
If you are in the thick of it right now, you are doing an incredible job. Whether you breastfeed for two days, two months, or two years, or if you switch to formula tomorrow for your own sanity, you are the perfect mother for your baby.
Breastfeeding newborn isn’t always easy, but finding your own way through it. However that looks is the first victory of motherhood.
How about you? What is the one thing getting you through the late-night feeds right now? Let me know in the comments.
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